Wednesday

Johnny Doing What He Does Best

"C'mon Bono, I get to be Ambassador to Ireland if you play one set. Okay, one tune. Play "Sunday Bloody Sunday" for all I care. But dude, seriously, Guiness for life! Hang on.." RING. "Mick. Here's the deal. I know you're not a fan, but check it out, Ambassador to Britain. Just play "You Can't Always Get What You Want.." One song. In fact, you can Milli Vanilla it - just lip synch... or even Skype... I swear. Hang on." 

"Andrea! Old buddy! I'm this close to being Ambassador to Italy. Two words: Spaghetti Carbonara. All you can eat. No, this is not for the Inauguration. This is the anti-Inauguration - you'll never see him or anyone on stage... check that, I mean, they're fans of Bocelli. That's all you need to know. Hold on... 

Bruce!? Seriously! One song. Tom Joad. From the road. We'll literally phone it in. I get to be Ambassador to Bhutan. Seriously. It's a great vacation spot you can always... Hold on..." 

"Bob? Hey Mr. Nobel Laureate. Yeah, no, you don't have to appear. It's just that we want to announce your presence, like the Nobel Prize. Send Patti Smith. Tell her not to muff the Hard Rain thing. What do I get out of it? Well, maybe that Ambassadorship to France thing. Oui. No I mean WE. Think of this as WE get the Ambassadorship to France... Ok. Get back to me..." 

Donnie babe? You'll never guess who Johnny Baron has to play the Inaugural!!!!"

 nauguration 2017

Trump’s Team Reportedly Offered Ambassadorships to Talent Bookers in Exchange for Inauguration Singers

By
Donald Trump.Photo: Ty Wright/Getty Images
Despite having Kanye West in his corner, Donald Trump is still having difficulty finding musicians to play at his inauguration. According to two talent bookers who spoke anonymously to the Wrap, Trump’s Presidential Inaugural Committee offered to reward them with ambassador positions if they could procure top singers to perform.

One talent manager described being offered “access to the administration” if he could lure major talent. “They said they were in the process of ‘figuring out posts, ambassadorships, and commissions’ if that was of any interest,” he said.

Another source also described receiving a “serious” ambassadorship offer, and that he was so shocked at the proposal that he almost dropped the phone. “Never in a million years have I heard something so crazy,” he said. Both declined the offers.

Trump’s team denied the allegations. “There is no truth to this insinuation,” said committee spokesperson Boris Epshteyn. “First-class entertainers are eager to participate in the inaugural events. The inauguration as a whole will be an exciting and uniting celebration of freedom and democracy. We will be releasing further details at the appropriate time.”

While ambassadorships are often handed out as rewards to campaign donors and fundraisers, offering such posts to talent bookers is “outside the norm,” particularly given that celebrities are usually willing to perform at such high-profile national events without compensation. Yet Trump’s team, — who can’t even book a high-school marching band — are reportedly willing to shell out big bucks in exchange for top talent.

Right now, America’s Got Talent singer Jackie Evancho is slated to sing the national anthem. Other names that have been floated are opera singer Andrea Bocelli, Kid Rock, and Ted Nugent. There was some speculation that Trump’s meeting with Kanye — in which they reportedly discussed the singer being “an ambassador of sorts” — was related to a possible inauguration performance, but so far, the pair are just happy to be “great friends.”

Tuesday

I can't believe it! I/we won!

Well I can believe it. Of course I believe it. I'm Johnny Miller Barron the world's greatest publicist. I told you so.  

And with artful manipulation I/we/my team/me has pulled off the easiest trick in the book.
Didn't know he could bite, did ya?
You probably heard my client some time ago say the following:

Trump, Wall Street Journal, Sept. 30, 1999: Let’s cut to the chase. Yes, I am considering a run for president. … Unlike candidates from the two major parties, my candidacy would not represent an exercise in career advancement. I am not a political pro trying to top off his resume. I am considering a run only because I am convinced the major parties have lost their way. The Republicans are captives of their right wing. The Democrats are captives of their left wing. I don’t hear anyone speaking for the working men and women in the center.

In the op-ed, Trump said he came to his decision after then Minnesota Gov. Jesse Ventura — who was elected as a Reform Party candidate — encouraged him to run.

In a CNN interview with Larry King a couple weeks later, Trump said he was forming an exploratory committee and that the committee would look at whether Trump could win as a Reform Party candidate.

Trump on CNN, Oct. 8, 1999: But really, really the big thing they’re going to look in — as — is: Can you win? Can a Reform Party candidate win? Because I believe I could get the Reform Party nomination. I don’t even think it would be that tough. … I’m not looking to get more votes than any other independent candidate in history, I’d want to win. So we’ll see.

Trump told King that he was a registered Republican and that a Reform Party run would mean a split with a party that he was “close to.”

Trump on CNN, Oct. 8, 1999:  I’m a registered Republican. I’m a pretty conservative guy. I’m somewhat liberal on social issues, especially health care, et cetera, but I’d be leaving another party, and I’ve been close to that party.

King: Why would you leave the Republican Party?

Trump: I think that nobody is really hitting it right. The Democrats are too far left. I mean, Bill Bradley, this is seriously left; he’s trying to come a little more center, but he’s seriously left. The Republicans are too far right. And I don’t think anybody’s hitting the chord, not the chord that I want hear, and not the chord that other people want to hear, and I’ve seen it.

So there you have it. He said he was going to do it, and with my help, he did it.
Pundits looking for the answers
You think he meant anything he said during the campaign?  Are you kidding? I wrote all of that stuff. I was going to say shit, but hey, it's what people wanted to hear.

"A chicken in every pot!" "A terrorist behind every Bush!" "Those people are stupid? How do I know! Losers!"

It's easy.  Keep repeating the same mantra over and over and people wake up singing that mantra.  

Sad. Sad lion. Sad lion sleeping sadly. Huge.
Okay, okay, I know you liberals are panicking.  Loading up buses and trains to get outta dodge.  It saves us the trouble by the way, so we don't have to use cattle cars. (I'm kidding! It's a joke! Can't you panicked people take a joke?)

But there is light at the end of this tunnel for folks who are in the know.  Like me.  I'm so in the Know I knew.

And he's not going to stick it out.  He's going to be out of here as soon as he can.  You've heard the term "Governor of Alaska?"  Think that. Governor of Alaska. And then... not so much.  Don't need the angst. Not going to do his health any good.  Because all this stuff is enough to knock anyone off their feet.
If you close them real hard, poof. Not there.

And so - he'll ride off into the sunset.  And all you people will miss him, because the guy who's number two?  Can I just say "There's a reason you pick a guy who should be number two? Because he's a number two kinda guy?"  

Hang onto your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy ride when he splits.  But you heard it here first. I told you so.  I knew so. I'm so in the know I knew what I know before you heard it.  In the know.  Not in the now.  No point in being in the now. 

The lion sleeps tonight. Sad.

 Can't make America great again if it's great already, can we? So now it's great again, and I'm done.  Out of here. Don't say I didn't warn you/tell you/predict it all.  Because I'm Johnny Barron - the one who knows. And I knew.

Mike drop.  Or dropping the mike.  Or whoever it is people keep dropping.  Johnny Barron Out.

Hot tip. Buy low, sell high.  Or sell high, buy low. Invest in the past.

Wednesday

Shocking Developments from Hollywood Blvd. Courtesy Deadline!

 No, I did not pay this fellow Otis to destroy this iconic plaque on the Hollywood walk of fame.  I know that some of you have been thinking that, that I would do this as some kind of stunt to get people talking about my client.

Why would I do that? It cost me a pretty penny to get that plaque there in the first place.  FYI, it costs $5 grand to fill out the application to get a star on the walk of fame.  And believe me, there's plenty of dough to go around to get plaques there.  Can they refuse someone? Sure, just ask Angelyne.  But they didn't refuse Johnny Baron, because he walks the walk, talks the talk - and doesn't own a sledgehammer.

Hey, this is vandalism.  It may be theater, but someone paid good money to get that plaque into the sidewalk. Lots of skids were greased, okay? I'm not saying who I paid cash to get this thing in there, but yeah, I am saying it's crazy that someone would think this was a good idea.

However - no publicity is bad publicity. Think about it. Kudos to Deadline for this exclusive video.  How much did they pay for it? I'm sure not as much as I paid to get this plaque in there with the other celebs. 

 And no, I'm not the guy who leaked Billy Bush's tape.  Think about it. Why would I do that?  I mean it's not like my client doesn't want to get into the White House. (unless he doesn't) There are only two people with access to that Bush tape; the producer of the segment and the editor.  Or someone else. Maybe.

I ask you - did the editor come forward and say "Look what I found?" No.  Did NBC fire the segment producer or reveal their name? No again.  Did anyone think to call the power publicist? Who do you think kept the outtakes?  Hello? Is anyone out there?

I'm just saying. Don't quote me.  But theater is theater - and this is all about building our brand towards DrumpfTV.  Well we may call it something else... I suggested TinyTwitterHands.TV - OrangeBalloonTV - but we may have to go with something easier to remember. And believe me, this client of my forgets more than I forgot deliberately.

Whatever. I was not out on Hollywood Blvd last night. This guy Otis was. You know, the guy from Andy of Mayberry. That Otis.  

He's a nasty man.

Watch Donald Trump’s Hollywood Walk Of Fame Star Get Destroyed

EXCLUSIVE VIDEO: Donald Trump’s star on the iconic Hollywood Walk of Fame was destroyed early Wednesday morning by a man dressed as a city construction worker wielding a sledgehammer and pickax. The man, who told Deadline his name was Jamie Otis, said he was trying to extract the star to auction it off and raise funds for the women who have come forward to accuse Trump of sexually assaulting them over the decades.

The embedded terrazzo and brass star, dedicated in 2007 in recognition of the now-GOP presidential candidate’s days as host of NBC’s The Apprentice, was smashed to bits, with shrapnel flying everywhere in the early-morning hours at the star’s sidewalk home at 6801 Hollywood Blvd. near the Dolby Theatre. Check out Deadline’s exclusive video above.
The incident occurred around 5:45 AM with a few bystanders stopping to watch. An LAPD police cruiser showed up around 6:15, but Otis already had left the scene.
In the past few months, 11 women have claimed that the Republican POTUS candidate groped or otherwise attempted to get intimate with them. At a rally this week, Trump told supporters that the accusers were not telling the truth and that he would sue them after the November 8 election.

Trump’s star has had its share of attention since he announced his White House bid in 2015, including a reverse swastika spray-painted over it in January and a mute sign painted over it in June. Later in the summer, an L.A. artist erected a small razor-wire-topped wall around the star, a knock on Trump’s plans to build a wall on the U.S.-Mexico border.

Friday

Jimmy Fallon Tries to Knock Some Sense into the Donald's Coiff

So nice to see myself, I mean, to see my client on the Tonight Show.

I'm good pals with Jimmy.  Of course he warned me... I mean my client, before hand, so we got some extra shnizzle in the doo.  Coiff'd up the Wazoo.

It's all good. See I'm normal. Jimmy and I are like, pals. I never invited him on my yacht or in my Mar of El Lago, but I will. If he votes for me. And I'll know, because my pals in Russia are monitoring who votes for who. I'm normal. See? I have hair on my head.

I mean, my client is normal.

We're all normal. Except I'm a little more normal than everyone else. Thing thing about Obama born in Kenya? I was KIDDING! It's just in fun. You see, don't you???? Can't wait for that January Morning when he turns over the house keys to me... I mean my client.

Don't forget to vote.

Wednesday

Shakespeer of Tweets

John Miller Baron.  I like the ring of it.

Let's go with it.

"who's calling?"  "John Miller" - sort of like "Francis Ford."  People don't need to say my last name.  Baron.  Like Bay Roan.  

Which is a horse.

So the big fella is in Santa Monica today.

How much fun is that?



People want to know - so why Tom?

Well, Mr. V is a very successful realty guy. HUGE.  Well, let's call a spade a spade, made a fortune at cashing in on the housing crash.  PEOPLE FORECLOSED ON HOUSES then TV bought em up from banks.

MADE A FORTUNE.

I'm thinking he could be in the administration.  Or maybe sell me a house out here in Brentwood.

Just across the golf course, a few blocks from OJ's old house - where Dina Merrill currently resides.  Or used to reside.  I forget, people move so much these days.  I mentioned her in a previous post.

This is also the hood that Obama came to - raised some big bucks - and then old Hill was here too with her Hollywood celeb friends. Same street, different bucks.

Oddly enough, that socialist from Vermont was a few blocks from here a couple of days ago.  Feeling the Bern as they say.  Down there in Santa Monica High, the school that brought us Charlie Sheen.

But I digress.

I see that people are calling these tweets a twitter war - first with that Pocahontas from Mass - Miss Warren.  I like calling her Pocahantas, or however you spell it - because after all, she was a loser. 

 Married John Smith, dragged off as a show pony to England.  Who remembers her anyway?  Years from now, people will use my name as a reference point.  "You remind me of that great patriot John Miller Baron."

Twitter war between Trump, Warren heats up again

In this photo taken Oct. 6, 2015, Sen. Elizabeth Warren, D-Mass. speaks on Capitol Hill in Washington. Warren has taken to Twitter again to bash Donald Trump, the latest in a series of Internet "tweetstorms" calling Trump on the carpet for his treatment of women and his insults toward her. (AP Photo/Jacquelyn Martin)
AP/FILE
Elizabeth Warren.
WASHINGTON — Donald Trump, the presumptive Republican nominee, renewed his Twitter war with Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren Wednesday afternoon — picking up more or less where the pair left off Friday evening.
The digital clash seems to benefit both politicians. Trump tosses red meat to his base by going after a politician that many on the right love to hate. And Warren raises her national profile as an able 2016 surrogate able to hold her own against the top Republican.
This exchange began at 10:18 a.m. when Trump declared: “Goofy Elizabeth Warren has been one of the least effective Senators in the entire U.S. Senate. She has done nothing!”
Then he refined the attack, making it a bit more personal: “Goofy Elizabeth Warren didn’t have the guts to run for POTUS. Her phony Native American heritage stops that and VP cold.”
Just before 2 p.m. Warren responded, using her campaign account. “We get it,@realDonaldTrump: When a woman stands up to you, you’re going to call her a basket case. Hormonal. Ugly.”
Warren tried to focus the conversation on issues and pointed to Trump’s past statements about the minium wage.
“You care so much about struggling American workers, @realDonaldTrump,that you want to abolish the federal minimum wage?” she wrote.
Last summer, speaking on MSNBC’s “Morning Joe,” Trump said he thinks “having a low minimum wage is not a bad thing for this country.”
However, more recently he’s shifted his views on that issue.
Trump, known to spend considerable time using Twitter, questioned how Warren had time to respond to all of his incoming comments.
“Isn’t it funny when a failed Senator like goofy Elizabeth Warren can spend a whole day tweeting about Trump & gets nothing done in Senate?” he wrote.
Donald Trump’s tweets:
Elizabeth Warren’s tweets:
Annie Linskey can be reached at annie.linskey@globe.com. Follow her on Twitter@annielinskey.
Then you've got Jerry Zucker.  Or is it Jeff Zuker?  Some Zuker who is mocking our man in a twitter war. 

THIS IS WHY YOU NEED A PUBLICIST. OKAY? TO AVOID THIS KIND OF EMBARASSING NONSENSE.  TO WIT:

Just to refresh:

Donald Trump Got Into a Twitter Fight and Got Burned So Bad

Donald Trump has been making headlines lately for his controversial comments about immigrationand other heated topics, but it's not the first time that the presidential hopeful has let his opinions get the best of him. A copy of Trump's 2013 Twitter feud with Modern Family executive producer Danny Zuker has resurfaced and gone viral, reminding people everywhere about just how badly the politician got burned.
Oh, snap. There was no way that Trump could emerge victorious from an argument stemmed from his own hypocritical business practices, but his overuse of the words "loser" and "lightweight" is almost painful to read. While Twitter comeback skills aren't a requirement for the commander in chief, it's probably not the greatest idea to bash on one of America's favorite TV shows and resort to name-calling all in the same conversation. However, Zuker flawlessly settled the argument with some well-aimed jabs at Trump's policies and coined a new hashtag, #Trumpelstiltsken, in the process. It's not something that the Internet will soon forget, and neither will Zuker.
Almost two years later, it seems that the argument is still fresh in the comedian's mind — and ours, too. So if you ever find yourself in the midst of a Twitter feud, try remembering Trump's social media battle as an example of what not to do in your own life.